At Any Cost
by BiPolarTurkey
Summary: The world couldn't afford to have her as their avatar. So she would give them the avatar they deserved. M rating for safety.
1. Blank

The room around her was silent but her heart was racing loudly in her ears. Master Katara had just left the room and she was sure there was talking going on in the other room, but here in this room, there was only silence and the rapid beating of her heart. Her mind was oddly blank. There wasn't anything to think about really, she knew what she needed to do.

The world couldn't afford to have a crippled avatar.

The avatar was balance, the avatar was equality. And spirits knew-_she_ knew- the world needed equality now more than ever.

She could no longer supply that equality. She could no longer be that balance. She could no longer be the avatar.

She could try; she knew that. She could train her air bending to its fullest, she could learn martial arts, chi blocking, learn to use weapons. She could go back to republic city and do everything in her power to restore it to Avatar Aang and Firelord Zuko's vision. But she would never be able to restore the equilibrium to the world when she couldn't even do it for herself. She would be cheating the world; her people out of the Avatar they deserved. She would be cheating those who she was born to, and _swore_ to protect at any cost.

She might succeed. She might be able to do it, still be able to save the world. To restore the balance somehow. It might not be as fast, it might be more sloppy. More people might have to pay the price, but she could do it. Save the world, keep it moving, live out her days with Bolin, Mako, and Asami, traveling the world, each of them helping to make up for the parts of her she now lacks. They could do it, together. With them, she might be able to do it.

But she might not. And that was not a risk she was willing to take.

'_At any cost _'

She could not go back on her promise and her duty.

She _would_ not go back on her promise and her duty.

Her mind was oddly blank.


	2. Blink

She needed to go.

She ordered her body to move; it didn't listen.

'_get up!'_ she thought.

Her body jerked into motion, legs jerking and knees pushing awkwardly off the varnished wooden floor. She swayed into a standing position and looked towards the door. She had to go there, open it, face everyone, and do her last duty as avatar, but strangely enough all she could think of was her earth bending training.

Sensei Mata would force her to stay still while thrusting rocks at her. The earth would whiz by her head and crash into things behind her and she would wince.

'Don't blink! Never blink when facing an enemy, never let them effect you! Take your enemies head on; unwavering, unrelenting, unblinking!'

She blinked, and now she had to pay the price.

Korra reached out and slid open the door that separated her from everyone else. For whatever reason, it struck her as symbolic.

The soft scrape of the door sliding open seemed to end whatever discussion was taking place as every head in the room turned her way.

Korra felt her heart give a big painful thump. _Unwaivering, unrelenting, unblinking._

She steeled herself

Everyone was looking at her, concern etched into their faces.

"It's going to be alright Korra."

"No. It's not."

She Blinked.

She forced her feet forward, one in front of the other, refusing to look anyone in the eye.

Biting cold slapped into her face as she opened the door, but she didn't flinch, she welcomed her childhood friend with eyes wide open.

She felt clumsy on her native element, her steps unsure, _wrong_.

But she'd make it right. The question now, was how. There were many ways to do it, but a lot of them just seemed wrong.

She wouldn't want to leave something messy for everyone else to clean up.

Everyone else.

That thought brought her up short. Was this really how she was going to do this? Leaving them her mess to clean up, without even saying goodbye?

But she couldn't say goodbye, not really. They'd stop her. Or try to at least.

They wouldn't understand. Well, maybe Tenzin would…and maybe even Katara, but… she couldn't take the chance that they wouldn't, because even though they could never really stop her, they could definitely convince her not to try. And she couldn't have that.

She just felt blank. But that wasn't true. It was like she was standing on ice, the element that was no longer familiar to her even though she'd spent the first seventeen years of her life on it, and swirling rapidly below it was a vast ocean of brooding emotions ready to reach up and swallow her whole. But for right now she remained above them.

She tucked her face into the worn fur of her old parka, taking a moment to appreciate the physical comfort it had offered her over the past few years, and the emotional comfort it offered her in this moment. It steadied her resolve and she felt almost stronger in her parka, like her second, thicker skin was armor against more than the prevailing cold of her home. She vaguely wondered when exactly she'd put the parka on, because she hadn't been wearing it earlier, but quickly discarded the thought as unimportant.

"Korra, wait!"

She half turned towards the house, only now realizing that she'd stopped walking, and saw what had once been her 'team'. Mako was leading the pack, and the closer he got, the further the other two dropped back. She figured he had been the one to shout, but she honestly didn't know for sure.

What she did know was that she didn't want to talk to any of them. She turned back around and started walking again, realizing that she had unconsciously been making her way towards Naga.

She could hear Mako's clumsy footfalls moving closer to her and a wave from that swirling ocean of emotion swept up and hit her as she realized that her own steps matched that of Mako's feeble and fumbling attempts to navigate the alien landscape that until a few months ago was all she'd ever known.

"Go away." Even then, the anger that was clearly, although not enthusiastically, infused in those words surprised me.

I couldn't actually feel the anger even if it was there, but I didn't mean them any less.

In his defense, he didn't miss a beat. "I will, but I just want you to know that I'm here for you."

Another, bigger wave, and she was sure there were things a lot more potent than anger there, but she didn't dare figure out what. She thought she might have felt a bit of longing, but she didn't miss a beat either, and the anger is what came out.

"No, I mean go away, back to Republic City. Get on with your life." She said it with anger, but she meant the words. She truly hoped that he, Bolin, Asami, and everyone else would be well on their way back before anyone even thought to start looking for her. She really hoped that they would all move on and go back to enjoying the lives that they all had before they ever met her.

"I'm not the avatar anymore. You don't need to do me any favors." Oh yes, there was definitely longing.

"I don't care if you're the avatar or not. Listen, when Tarlock took you, I was losing my mind with the thought of never seeing you again."

Korra felt her stomach drop with those words. This was why she wasn't doing goodbyes. She didn't want to make those words come true, but she was going to.

"I love you."

He cupped her face in his hand and she blinked.

Another wave hit her, this one unmistakable as she came close to truly feeling something for the first time since Katara delivered the news. Anger, white-hot, flickered at the ice and she wanted to reach down, grasp the tendrils, and let it consume her, but the finest layer of ice was in the way, keeping her from her goal.

How dare he! After everything that had happened, after he had turned her down, all the mistakes they'd made, and all the trouble it had caused! After all that, he had to choose to do this now!

She gripped his hand and tore it away from her face.

She choked a little on her words, barely forcing out a small, "I can't." and once again the emotions in her words didn't match what she was actually feeling. She felt so completely off balance, exactly what she wasn't supposed to be; the lasting proof of her failure, and the continuous reminder of why she had to do this. Suddenly she didn't feel so bad about making his words come true.

She wouldn't blink.

Then she was on Naga and she was hurtling forward and the wind was whipping in her hair fast enough to tell her that her friend wasn't holding back, and she was thankful for all of it. Even if _she _no longer fit into this world, it was obvious that Naga still did.

She let that anger, or that want for anger fuel her for a while, but soon enough even that left her.

The wind whipped her eyes, and soon enough, she had to blink.


End file.
